12/30/11

Finding love and lies

Love is an interesting thing. You fall in love, you fall out of love, you can be in love and you can just love. Friends, family, partners, foods, pets, and a good massage. Oh, and sleeping in on the weekend.

I read plenty about love. About lonely men finding love, men having their pick of lovers, and men in rocky relationships. Know what I love about romance novels? They almost always have a happy ending. Life sucks enough, I don't need my novels to tear me up without slapping on a band-aid (with possibly a shot of morphine).

Know what I hate about romance novels? They almost always have a happy ending. The loser, the loner, the outcast, the misanthrope, and the jerk (if they are the lead character) will find love, whether it's for now or forever. The other lead character is willing to push boundaries, figure out what's going on inside the main character's head and do whatever it takes to get that person to open up and flourish, and in the end love.

I'm pretty sure real life doesn't go that way.

Most people, myself included, tend to be selfish. Not in a greedy way, but nature makes us tend to worry about ourselves and how A, B, Y, and Z relate to us. Self preservation. I'm honestly amazed people get together at all. I'm single, so I obviously haven't figured it out yet, but lots of people do get together, fall in love, and have lots of sex (and sometimes babies).

So people, these selfish little beings that are worried about Me, somehow step outside of themselves to see another person. And while doing so, they fall in love, potentially creating more outside creatures that they will love, potentially more than themselves. True, they reap all sorts of benefits like being loved in return, sex, dual incomes, someone else to wash the dishes, and companionship.

Still, it's pretty amazing. And I hope everyone who is in love treasures how great it is. And I'd love to hear how you fell in love with your significant other (or you can complain about being single, like me).

*I realize the beginning of this post doesn't completely correlate to the end of this post, but I hope you'll follow where my cold-infested brain was going.

7 comments:

  1. I've been single for over two years now. I made a couple aborted attempts at dating, they were frightening.

    I'm fine with being single. The whole single income thing really ... anyways. Aside from that, I'm content I guess. Sappy fluffy sugary sweet romances have never been my thing. Ever. Even when I did date, I wasn't "selfish" though... I think that may have been the problem.

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  2. I think selfishness definitely leaves room for finding "another." What could be more selfish than finding your counterpoint in life, in having someone by your side who makes you happy. Then again, I don't think that being selfish requires that you never consider other people or beings. There is a great selfish argument for vegetarianism, for instance.

    As much as I hate arguments made this way: There can't be any "I love you" without "I" first.

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  3. B Sides:

    In Spanish, it's "te amo." Literally, "you I love."

    That's the only other language I know the proper grammatical structure for. But does that mean the subliminal selfishness is an English-speaking phenomenon? Hmm.

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  4. Bry, there is room for others in selfishness, but there is an inherit challenge of overcoming the MEMEMEMEME to realize the benefits that finding another will bring.

    I suppose foremost on my mind is that most people don't really inquire about how you're doing or how your life is doing. Many people (like yourself and my friend that I've mentioned previously) are very forward in talking about what is going on in your life, etc. You, unlike my friend, realize I'm not that type of person and you ASK me how I'm doing, what's going on, etc. To me, that's going beyond the selfish because you are inquiring to the welfare of someone outside yourself. True, arguments could be made about why this benefits the self and at such low cost, but to me, it's a show of difference between something selfish (not inquiring, not that I think she's being mean or anything) and not selfish (inquiring). Many people in this way are selfish and don't really care what's going on in your life and never ask. Even if you don't care, you open yourself up to having to listen to me anyway :) So I guess I'm saying you're an empathetic being, congrats :)

    Rhi, I'm pretty much content being single, except when I'm surrounded by couples or on traditionally couple-y holidays. Or when I read a book that has a loser (aka, someone like me ;) getting the guy.

    Interesting notice about the Spanish vs the English. Obviously the *I* is still necessary, but it does seem to come secondary to the *you*. Huh.

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  5. Ah, but I think I disagree. The selfish analysis goes beyond simply the cost-benefit analysis of "if I ask, we'll be on good terms, and then maybe I can gain some benefit down the road."

    For me, when you like someone you genuinely care about their life and what is going on. I take pleasure in hearing about what is going on with you. Further, I take a measure of pride in every success you achieve and every time you succeed, it gives me energy to suceed as well. Those things are all selfish. I guess its an internal thing.

    There are two kinds of selfish people: The happy kind and the miserable kind. For the selfish, its the difference between seeing everything as a net addition to life and being constantly weary of losing what is yours.

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  6. I guess it is a fine line of what is selfish and how we define a selfish person. But you are definitely the happy kind of selfish.

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  7. Happiness only real when shared.
    You need to Watch or Read "INTO THE WILD" man!
    Regads & I wish You my best for this 2012!

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