And then Thursday happened. It was a terrible day for me emotionally and I couldn't even tell you why. It just sucked. It got a little better as the day wore on, but I was mostly on edge. Anxious and depressed and just BLAH.
In the evening I was down near home, so I swung by to pick up some zucchini and a cooler, and my mom and I chatted (for like an hour and a half). Then I went to leave and she asked if I was getting excited for me coming vacation and I said I'd be excited for that once I got my hair cut, then I described my haircut.
Her: You want a boys' haircut?
Me: Well, lots of girls have that haircut, but yes, I do want a boys' haircut. *pause, thinking: Well, fuck it.* You know, because I'm genderqueer.
I am the picture of grace an eloquence.
We talked a little about transgender vs genderqueer, which came up again when she called me her "daughter" and I corrected "child" and she looked at me dumbfounded, and I explained I preferred nongendered words, but we could discuss that pronouns at another time. She seemed stunned and I said she probably needed some time to process this, but she said she was fine.
I think she wanted to seem fine and not like she had to readjust things in her head, but I also think needing time to readjust things in your head is OK. Like, hey, I just told you flat-out that you don't have a daughter anymore. Even if you're totally cool with it, I imagine it takes some pondering. It sure took me some pondering!
So that was my very low-key coming out as genderqueer. Hopefully this means she'll never question my clothing choices again (although someone should probably question my clothing styles...).
And if any of my readers have questions, feel free to ask :)