That Darkness

I love the autumn, especially October, and I love Halloween.
This year the season seemed to slip from summer into a brisk autumn that will only lead into winter. The leaves turned too abruptly, just like the weather, and then heavy rains dropped them to the ground before they had a chance to brighten the darkening sky.

I rise before the sun and set long after its last rays have faded from the faces of the buildings. The darkness just reminds me that for the next few months I’ll question everything, my joy, my life, my heart. And I’ll build a cocoon around myself, building the walls thicker and thicker through March, when I’ll start tearing the layers down, shedding winter clothes, until I emerge with the flowers and the butterflies.

I’ll stand in the sun’s warmth and smile, feeling the light fill me.

But there is a long darkness before then. November will be cold, but not lonely. December will be bitter. January will be dark. February will sap anything left. March will start to thaw with its stinging rain.

I can feel the darkness upon me.