12/8/10

I won't be a downer, but...

This week has been difficult for me. I'm not sure if it's the lessening sunlight hours, the cold, or what, but I've been very blue. When I'm focused on something (reading, exercising, putting up my Solstice tree), I'm okay, cheerful even. But if I sit and think, or sit to write, I become rather maudlin. I'm trying to ignore it (the whole logic of "If you smile, it makes you happy"), but sometimes it's more difficult than others.

So, to say the least, my writing has been stilted. I get a few words out at work, but nothing much. Frustrating. In addition, I keep thinking over the novel I finished and I am terrified of going back to it in January. The more I think on it, the more I think it's no good at all, and I question if I want it associated with my pen name. I'm hoping when I go back to read it, I'll be pleasantly surprised. But I suppose my confidence in my writing is a little lacking.

On the other hand, I've been doing a lot of reading. Possibly too much. I have a document full of reviews to post, many of which are shorter than I normally would deem acceptable. But in a week and a half I read almost two complete series (I'm working on finishing the one, and the other I'm holding off, because I enjoy it and want to reward myself at some later date). Maybe if I post some of the reviews I'll feel less overwhelmed.

My netbook is still broken and my monitor may or may not be glitching. It could just be my brain being tired. I'm not sure which, but if my monitor breaks, I may just throw a tantrum. I think it'd be good to relieve some of the pressure in my skull.

To keep from being too depressing, I'll end on some of the more positive things in life.

I've been riding on weekends still, all bundled up. I really hate the cold, but its a little bearable on the back of a horse. There is Christmas Caroling on Horseback this Sunday, which is always fun and spirited.

I'm mostly done my holiday shopping. Technically I have some small things I should buy to even out the expenses, but I'm done all my major purchases. Which is good because my credit card is worn out. (Look a joke!) I really had fun doing my shopping this year, and I'm a little sad it's done, because it was keeping me in the spirit of things.

I think that's it. Unless something interesting happens, I probably won't post again until after Christmas.


Oh! One last thing: I'm considering taking up the habits of a fellow blogger and doing a list of improvements to work on over the year. We'll see how I feel about it in four weeks.

5 comments:

  1. It's probably somewhat the sun, but the sudden onset of cold has made me humdrum as well. At least you can leave the house. I'm home... literally ... all day.

    I hate those fears. I have them as well (see my post a few back). But two ways to see it: You'll never even have a chance if you don't finish. Both good and bad books get published, but only finished ones. You can always write under yet another pen name.

    If you had so much fun shopping: you can always keep buying me stuff!

    Better Bryan '11 is on; you should definitely do your own version. This year only two items instead of 10!

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  2. Buddhist concept #1: Impermanance. Without getting annoying and preachy - this too will pass.

    The word check is dyishbu. Kinda sounds asian.

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  3. Yes. I hate the cold :(

    But yes, I know only finished things get published. And I'm fairly certain I'll send it out once it's ready, but I hate when those fears rush me and gobble at my brain.

    I would love to keep buying you stuff. My bank account, however, might have words with me.

    Oh good, only 2 items. I can match that!!

    I'm already feeling better. These lows come and go, they just tend to last longer and come more often in winter and they were just especially bad recently.

    As for being stuck home all day. Um, take a walk? That's what I do when I'm stir crazy. I know, lame suggestion.

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  4. I hope you are felling better.

    Congratulations on getting your shopping done. I haven't even started mine. I get tomorrow off, so I can shop, but I'm not sure I'll feel up to it after working more than seventeen hours in the last two days after six weeks off. (Every one of my muscles ache.) But I better do it because I don't want to wait until next weekend.

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  5. Thank you. I am feeling a little better, though it does still come and go. I have a good support system, both in you wonderful internet folk and real life, so I feel well loved <3

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